I’m gonna fix this! Well, maybe not.

I'm a fixer.

My challenge has always been being that person who has leaned-in to help fix people even when they didn't ask for my help resulting in my advice falling on deft ears.  I would then walk around in angst, sharing with everyone who would listen how that person wasn’t heeding to my BRILLIANT guidance! 

HA!

Fast forward to this morning when the idea of ‘not fixing unless being asked’ was brought home when I was on the phone with my best friend.  He was talking about how he doesn't see anything positive in his or our future any time soon and it really had him feeling super low.

So true to my innate nature I immediately started to gallop in on my trusty steed with sword in hand to make him feel ‘all better.’ I started to tell him he was absolutely, positively incorrect about our future being dark and that as we transition from what was to what will be all will be great and that he has so much to be grateful for and yes it'll be uncomfortable but there's wonderful things ahead for us and we just have to remain positive and believe and on and on, blahblahblah!

Oh my gosh, just reiterating this makes me feel a bit of like a crazy bag lady yearning for conversation with just anyone who would listen!  (Disclaimer:  not all bag people are women nor crazy).

BOING!! 

Many times when we are conscious of a behavior that isn’t aligning to our higher purpose we run into a scenario that will test us to see if we have accomplished what we have been working on.  For me, in an AH HA moment, I was able to pivot and accept that I still needed work on the fixing-thing and to allow him to feel as funky as he wanted.  

In turn this helped him to feel really heard and best of all allows for a shift in our friendship in the knowing that we can share our darker days without being fixed or judged.

When I was reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book called OPTION B, about her experience with the sudden death of her husband, I was caught on the page where she was talking about how we humans are most awkward when it comes to sharing our sympathy.  What she found to be the most comforting is to simply say to the person in pain, “I’m here for you if you ever need me to be.”  Trying to comfort someone with a lot of platitudes can be annoying to the recipient and can be received as empty and yes, lifeless.

What we’re talking about here is navigating living with a bit of trauma and to acknowledge that trauma can lead to being a bit shell-shocked or in today’s terminology, having PTSD.  I didn’t know that this was a well-noted diagnosis starting in the 1980’s/90”s where psychologists first acknowledged that this condition didn’t just apply to war victims but to victims of abuse, divorce, or even a shocking/scary event like we are in now.

Painful as it is however it has also been found that most people who have the determination to get through this very rough patch experience trauma as a benefit and not a curse when looking back. 

Acting as a double edge sword trauma on one had can be very painful but the other side of it can really help one rise to the occasion as a stronger, more resilient individual capable of resting in the knowing that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow does indeed exist.

So when I’m hit with the funky, here are a couple of simple tricks I use to edge out this feeling and maybe one will help you too.

·       I have a talk to myself about all the things of which I am grateful.

·       I meditate and focus on my breath and not my issue.

·       I take a walk and either listen to my music or just enjoy the bounty that nature provides.

·       I make plans to have a one on one either on the phone, Zooming or physical distancing a meal with a friend who errs on the side of optimism.

·       I write…a blog, a note of thank you, a coaching program, etc.

·       I stop to appreciate the pure unconditional love I get from my pets.

·       I reflect on being present and not bringing the past into the Now and to look at the future as an ideal scene of hope.

·       I do something of service for another.

Each of us are given the opportunity to tune in to what feels right for us and our willingness to listen and learn from our experiences.  This is a huge gift we are given because if we just stayed on auto-pilot life would become boring. We innately want to thrive and experience all the fascinating things that life offers at all times and try to shift our thinking from painful to allowing change to be more of an adventure to becoming the better version of ourselves.

Here’s to your practicing and succeeding in learning to choose mindfully and to know that I’m always here for you!!  

To your brilliance unfolding,

P.S.  Need to chat? Head to https://www.coachingtothecore.com/book and sign up for a FREE 30 minute Breakthrough Session.  Really, it’s FREE so let me hear from you today!!