Stylin’ with ruffled feathers? You’ll live!
One night in the early 70’s I found myself with my then boyfriend in a grocery store at 11 pm in the south side of Chicago. Now for those who don’t know about the particular sections of the downtown, the south side was primarily Black or African American.
It was pretty eerie for this 20-year-old who grew up in a predominately white neighborhood, attending a white school with only one Black student who was in the special education class, to be out of her element.
I felt that the customers and employees were looking askance at me and this was the second time in my sheltered life that I had experienced what it must feel like to be a minority. If I could have I would have kept my head down low and walked around the edges as to blend with the walls and then disappear.
My first experience with racism was in high school. I was friends with most everyone and as I said it was a white dominated student body with a scattering of other ethnicities but very few. One of the very few was a boy named Bart Carrido. Bart was Hawaiian and Filipino, very smart, athletic, and popular.
One afternoon he and I took off in his smart, cool and in those days expensive convertible sportscar. We went down to Laguna Beach, had a bite to eat and were walking back to his car when some stupid guys pulled up and asked us if we knew where Water Spray Drive was? Yes, I know you’ve probably figured this out but we innocently answered “No” and they said “Well we do!” and we got hosed with a water extinguisher. Who’s stupid here?!
We were pretty soaked and just laughed it off as a good story to tell everyone at school on Monday. At 16 years old we did not have any fear or reservation of what really could have been in that extinguisher. This was an example of bad behavior in my day displayed by those ‘stupid’ boys. And in a lot of ways do I miss those days!
When I got home and told my mom she quickly quelled my exuberance by blaming the whole situation on the fact that Bart was a dark skinned boy and that seeing the two of us together made those other boys act the way they did.
Huh?
Yes, both my parents were just a little bit racist as the song goes in the Broadway hit, Avenue Q, and so were their parents and so on. And going forward it was always a tough subject to broach because I could never get a clear understanding on just why they felt the way they did. So I ended up being resigned to the fact that somehow they found it easier to go with what their tribe felt was right vs taking the time to do a little introspection on just what their inner truth was.
Most people find that going blank and not thinking for themselves is less painful. Wrong! Not going inside to access our real truth is more painful in the long run because the day will come when we are called front and center to face ourselves alone and then what? Who are we without our tribal safety net?
With the emergence of the country’s underbelly starting three years ago we have all been under the scrutiny of our own beliefs. And instead of looking at this as an exciting time in finding out just what makes us tick we may still looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and averting the path that would take us to it while learning who we are becoming along the way.
We have a lot of work to do now and each of us has a part to play keeping in mind that none of us gets out of this life without ruffled feathers or upset.
The darkest of times in history have proven that this is where life is the most fertile. And today we have the opportunity to scratch a new surface of humanity that will benefit the entire planet. And with the support of people of like-consciousness we’ll get there with an awakening within that will be a gift to everyone.
So no more playing God and judging others. Judgment draws a line in the sand and nothing is solved with civility at this juncture, ever.
Conversations need to be had, our hearts and minds need to be open to possibilities and yes, even to be okay at those fireside chats where we find ourselves being out of integrity which is a kind was to say “wrong.”
So where do we go from here when the outside world is feeling like it is not for the faint of heart and here we are sitting and wishing for yesterday?
Start with some inner dialogue about next steps to be the better person you have always wished you could be.
1. Ground yourself in just BEing the best you.
2. BE present everyday. Look around/look up.
3. BE awake to the gifts of life. Flowers, trees, smiles, friends.
4. BE the LOVE and share this gift every day.
5. BE not afraid for fear is an illusion and will keep you stuck.
To fulfill our destiny our job is not to stay the same but to explore the ‘what else’ that awaits us. Playing the same part all these past years is safe but can be inhibiting and unfair as there is so much more to discover about each of us.
With love,
