Conversation is an art no matter which way you split it
I have one friend where after having a one on one social outing (remember them?) I find myself walking away feeling a tad empty inside. This is when I reach into my purse, grab my mirror, hold it at arms length, look myself in the eyes and say out loud “Hello Jude, and how are you doing today?”
Can you relate?
The art of conversation is just that, an art. It takes using a sense of space, focus, pausing, perception checking, engagement, skill and creative execution either in a casual or business setting. And to me it is an art that has and needs refurbishing and not just because of this corona poop.
Conversation requires listening skills and the result of doing this correctly creates trust. When speaking with someone your ability to simply listen speaks volumes and this refers to how you are relating to anyone at anytime and even to yourself (yes, we do talk to ourselves but are we listening?)
Allowing yourself to totally engage in conversation if only for a moment feels so good inside and it can show you whether you are ‘doing’ your life or are you ‘being’ present in your life?
At the end of a conversation where listening on both sides was honest and attentive, and everyone was really present a relationship with deeper meaning has been created.
We feel seen thereby you feel like you matter. And isn’t this the main drive in how we are to show up in this world…to be seen for who you are, heard because you too have something to say and valued because you matter!
The other day I was taking an afternoon walk and stopped to compliment a woman on her cute little dog that had lost an eye. I said “What a cute dog!” where the response is usually thank you. But I didn’t notice that she was on her phone until she said to whomever she was having a conversation “No, this woman is too close and bothering my dog.” What??? She then went on to say “I’m moving on now and no, she’s nobody.”
Whoa. Nice jab but for what? Saying her dog was cute? Wearing a mask that didn’t match my outfit?
I walked on, checked inside to how I was feeling which was a little downtrodden then turned back and in my younger child voice speaking loud enough for her to hear, “I am not nobody!” (Without any profanity to follow except in my brain).
See, we humans are tender, gentle souls who are wanting to make our mark in this world no matter what the size. It’s important to take a pause in our delivery of speech and be mindful there’s another person in the room and how the smallest comment can change the trajectory of the world. So be aware of the power of conversations and help to make them meaningful, purposeful and kind.
Here are some suggestions on what to be watchful about before sitting down to conversate with others whether Zoom or facetime or Skype or 6 feet away in real-live person!
1. When you are asked a question and not given a chance to answer “How are you?” and you barely start your story when you are interrupted by “this happened to me too and let me tell you about it…blah blah blah.
2. When the person never asks you about how you are doing.
3. Body Language. Continually futzing with their hair or reconfiguring their clothing or moving around in their chair.
Women in particular are constantly taking their hair, flipping it from one side of their head to the other or doing a make-believe pony tail then twisting it, tucking it under and within 1 minute it falls down. Talk about taking attention away from the conversation and I marvel every time knowing the outcome!
4. Remembering to let the other person finish their thought(s) and give a little pause before you choose to start talking.
5. Don’t interrupt and if you do catch yourself doing this, say you’re sorry and let your party continue.
6. The notorious, looking down at their cell phone or operating their computer at the same time.
7. Being informed in case you have to shift the subject because your company’s eyes are rolling back in their heads because they are obviously BORED.
8. Don’t monopolize the conversation. You may be interesting but given the chance someone else has just as much value as you.
Being in the company of another person and learning to take pause before responding is super helpful for the listener and the speaker. Just being totally engaged in hearing what the other person is sharing can enhance the opportunity for you to know a little more about yourself, about another human being and isn’t that part of the gift we have been given right now…to learn, grow, shift, allow, open and explore from the inside out!
And then there is always the MUTE button.
To your brilliance unfolding,
