It's that time again, part 2
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN, PART 2
Last week I shared with you the first part of my crossing that led me to a bigger excursion with a finding of breast cancer. I believe when one hears this decree your body goes into fight and flight; your adrenaline is peaked and everything inside speeds up in your heart, your brain, while your life flashes before you. However, I have found that the fear is a catalyst to bring us to be more awake and that once you find the calm rhythm of your breath again it is when the left side of your brain kicks into gear, the horse leaves the gate with more direction and clarity.
“There are very few things as challenging as getting news like this and then realizing that you have to wait until Monday to do something about it. If you have already allowed yourself to step into “fight or flight” mode you can waste a perfectly good weekend playing and replaying scenes of impending doom in your mind.
Knowing that I couldn’t deal with allowing my ego to take over for an entire weekend and keep me in fear, I got the receptionist on the line at the office of Dr. Edward Phillips at Cedars Sinai and I was told that he wasn’t able to see me until the following Thursday. I tried to impress upon her with as much calmness that I could muster up at that moment the unacceptability of waiting that long and that the only satisfactory response would be, “Yes, he’ll see you today.” I then asked whether if I just showed up, she could get me in. With notable compassion in her voice, she told me to come on over and she would do her best to help me out. I made it to Dr. Phillip’s office in record time despite the ever-present Friday LA traffic. I stood against the wall in yet another waiting room packed with yet more women with questionably healthy breasts but this time we shared the same look of restrained dread in our eyes.
I waited.
Fear, like all of our emotions not only shows in our eyes, but it is carried energetically throughout the body. Standing against the wall, waiting for my name to be called so that I could see the doctor I found that I was clutching the x-rays to my breasts, bending them around my chest as though I could use them to realign everything inside of me back to normal. I was pressing my back into the wall as hard as I could, exerting all my strength as if I could keep the walls of my life from tumbling down around me. At the same time, I was mentally building protective walls around me inside and out so that no other “surprises” could infiltrate my life.
As luck would have it and I was definitely needed positive juju at this moment, I ended up not having to wait too long. The compassionate receptionist recognized the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face, sensed my inability to take anything but short shallow breaths and realized that keeping me waiting wasn’t in either of our best interest. With support from the Universe, she was able to tell me within the hour that there had been a cancellation and that I had the next appointment.
Dr. Phillips is a lovely man who, in a mild, soothing manner developed over many years spent helping women like me face the possibility of their own mortality, began the process of discovering exactly what was lurking at 11 o’clock in the upper left quadrant of my right breast.
He gently explained what could be assumed from the x-rays and shared his past experiences with similar situations. He artfully guided me as I took my first steps down a road whose destination was disturbingly uncertain.
In hindsight, he was skillfully helping me to focus on my story and not those of others who had passed through his office door. And because of his calm demeanor I was able to slow down the storm that had been raging inside and use this moment in time to become the guiding theme as to how the rest of my journey would unfold.
Also these last few moments in of itself became an empowering collaboration with the excess noise of advice and fear going on in my brain because I very quickly got the message that I was really in charge of how I proceeded and had been from the start. It kind of reminds me of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when the good witch told her that the ruby slippers could have taken her home at any time.
Now this woman who entered the office that day who was shocked, terrified and looked as though she had been socked in the stomach left Dr. Philips office still feeling unsure and afraid, but my head was held high and knew damn well I was going to do whatever I had to do to survive.
I have no idea what happened over the next few days. I kept everything to myself and went into a sort of emotional cocoon. I needed to do some sorting with all the information that was filtering through me and figure out how I was going to move forward. The real truth was if I was choosing not to take the opportunity to learn what lesson was right in front of me, then that quintessential feeling of this particular fear would continue to come back again and again throughout my life. I had to figure this predicament out for myself, dig deep inside to a place I had never had to experience before, determine the right path for me to accomplish this feat and create a new way to function using fear as my companion, my friend and yes, my teacher.” (Excerpt from Over 40 Fit and Fab found on web site www.coachingtothecore.com)
Yes you are alone with your cancer yet you are not alone because you will always have the brilliant, brave and amazing YOU to walk this road together.
Many blessings to all who have had a similar journey and I encourage you to tell your story and to share in the comment section of this blog. Talking and listening to survivors is key to help with awareness and research. How grateful and purposeful we are and can be to tell our story and help even just one person with this challenge.
To your brilliance unfolding,
P.S.
COME JOIN US IN A ROUND-TABLE DISCUSSION!! Our show today will be talking about NICE things, recent wins and stories that you are rewriting and being asked to share with us in honor of your life.
It is time woman share their light and loving into the world and gatherings like this and in person are needed to bring our light forward into the world.
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others the opportunity to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson
LINK: https://winwinwomen.tv/show/imagine-something-better.
As always, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.