It’s all just too too.
Today I threw away a few things that I haven’t really wanted, needed, desired for a long time. They were all in wicker baskets on the top shelf of my pantry so out of sight, out of mind but I still knew they were there always taunting me to make my move.
As I stood at the pantry door looking up I felt that icky feeling that usually accompanies procrastination. You know the one I’m talking about…the one that is telling you what a knucklehead you have been for not taking charge of cleaning up things that are no longer of use to you but you insist on keeping them.
Wow. Just like our beliefs that no longer serve us but we insist on keeping them in their own wicker baskets to wreak havoc on our sweet, delicate psyche.
And what a metaphor for my thinking as of late and may I speak this for a lot of us. We keep holding on to yearning for the tides to turn back and for life to be easy once again. But three questions come to mind…
1. Were things really easy before?
2. Why are we not giving in to writing new chapters of how to move on?
3. What is keeping us stuck?
I’m moving out of LA, soon. I have a place in mind and will be taking a flight this month to check it out and get a sense of how it feels energetically because it has felt like poo in Los Angeles to me for even a longer time than when we were first pandisized.
I have gotten to the place where LA is just too crowded; too noisy; too frenetic; too young; too expensive; earthquakes; too-too. How I locked into my new destination was 5 years ago when I was at the beginning of this tirade and took a trip to visit with friends who live there and do a mini exploration. I walked away really liking the people, the clean air, the eclectic nature, the way the light sits in the sky, the kind natured people, the slower pace, less traffic, etc.
And now, finally, after not wanting to lose face I am venturing into this conflagration with both feet. My ego has been constantly nudging me saying that once I sell my home I will never be able to buy back in if I change my mind and reminding me of how much I will miss; all the talk about friends, doctors, lawyers, city living and it’s availability to culture (well, not so much here), hair stylist, facialist, gym, all the familiarity to what I attribute now to monotony and ugh. Now 5 plus years later the ego is quietly allowing my freedom to choose. I am now at that refined place where I can see that adventures are awaiting me and am saying Yes.
As we have seen over the last 7 months nothing is cast in stone and anything goes. In a good way and one which isn’t shrouded with lies, this has been a positive place to be because its allowed time for free thinking. Hopefully for many it has helped us to discover courage and an understanding that dreams can come true and that they can morph when you allow them the independence to be heard, seen and believed in honor of your highest good.
Being a Cancerian my home is my sanctuary and I will covet it til those cows come home so making the decision to leave, by myself, at this time in life and in my life has been the biggest challenge along with what used to be a perfect sleeping pattern that has now gone super wacky with REM mantras full of “what if’s”.
But encouragement is bountiful and even this past week with the help of a girlfriend who is pretty good at doing dream analysis I was able to actually see and practice anchoring in the concept of settling into and sitting with the Divine.
Like many of us I use my mind to track my incessant thoughts. But the idea of staying connected to my heart, my higher self, my place of truth and knowing, and now visualizing what it looks like to be with the divine has helped me to remember that I am not alone and that God has my back. He/She is within us all.
Lastly, forgiveness. Forgiving myself for taking so long to make this decision; forgiveness for using up too much precious time on the hamster wheel; forgiveness to my friends for having to endure my “I’m going to move but I don’t know where;” forgiveness to myself for feeling I have to forgive anything because the truth is this is the way I do my life. As I said I’m a Cancerian and the symbol is a crab and crabs walk sideways…assessing and contemplating (yes, and in my case, obsessing…but just a bit).
I hope that this share helps you realize that however long it takes to make a change in your life you must make sure you are kind and gentle with the time in between the idea and the result. See if you can enjoy the ride vs being a focus junky on the destination as you will invariably be missing out on what is present and accounted for. Don’t wait for the dream to actually happen before you allow yourself to be fulfilled and happy again and most of all once you grasp this wonderful feeling of owning your dream never let anyone talk you out of it!
To your brilliance unfolding,
